Only joking!.....But not really....Sometimes other people really are the worst....
Things have been going great recently and I've felt so buoyant and happy, it's just been the loveliest experience! I'd been revelling in this feeling and really enjoying it for all that it was worth until someone else completely unexpectedly popped into my life and burst this lovely pink bubble I'd been living in - fuming.
At first, I was RAGING! I was so angry and so HURT by it all. Of course my response was in direct relation to the situation and what this person had said but also in the fact that my bubble was now burst and I'd come crashing back down to Earth with quite a big bang. I wasn't prepared for it at all.
It's at times like this, I wish we did live in isolation and that we didn't have to deal with other people's BS - I was getting on very well without it, thank you very much! I have done SO much work on myself - I've been working on my shadow and healing generational patterns. I've been actively connecting to Source and Spirit more. I've been meditating frequently and pushing my comfort zone. I've met challenges head on and embraced the fear, I have grown SO much. And I was feeling on top of my game when all of a sudden I was swiftly reminded that I was still living in the 3D world with everyone else....
Like I said, I was fuming. And I was hurt. My process began with a rant and a rationalising of what had happened, to try and look objectively but this is hard when you're feeling all the feels. Whilst I was riding this emotional rollercoaster, all I kept hearing in my head was:
"Now you can really practice
everything you've learned..."
To which I rolled my eyes. Of course. How will I keep growing and learning if I don't test my current skills and abilities? But really, I hate it. The feeling was horrible and I just wanted it to stop.
1. Why was I feeling like this?
Obviously because of what was said and how I was treated. I was patronised and belittled which felt really crappy but was there more to it than that? Yes. I have a deeply ingrained issue with 'being told off' which is what I'd felt had happened. This goes way back to childhood where I found it really difficult to accept being told off from someone in authority - I HATED (still do) the feeling of letting someone down, that someone might be disappointed in me or EVEN WORSE that I might have upset or offended someone with my actions. It's the people pleaser in me. It's the fact that I struggled for years feeling that other people didn't like me and 100% living my life according to their opinions (or what I thought their opinions were). And although I'm SO much better now and have actively been working on this limiting belief, it reared its ugly head here. So although what this person said was shitty, it was actually this deep seated pattern I have that was making me feel as bad as I was.... Lesson #1 learned.
2. Could I feel better?
Well, learning lesson #1 helped. Once I realised it was more to do with me, then I also realised I had some control over it too. So I investigated the feeling and sat with it, just poking it gently and teasing it out. There's still a lot of work I need to do here but being able to identify it and isolate it gave me a new focus. In fact, I made time to sit with all my feelings. I told my partner I needed some time so drew a bath and gave myself the time and space to just be with the feelings. I didn't busy myself in distractions or push the feelings away. I was present with them and then I turned to meditation. I let go of everything that was unhelpful - the anger, the resentment, the pettiness. I cleansed my energy and sent out love to this person because I felt like they were hurting too. In my experience, people who are mean, tend to be hurting at the time themselves - it does NOT excuse their behaviour but it helps me understand why they might have done it. Lesson #2 learned - be present and then let it go. Try not to ruminate.
I don't have to treated in a way that makes me unhappy. This is probably the hardest part of dealing with other people because it usually involves dealing with them directly. It also requires authenticity and honesty which can make us feel vulnerable. And most of the time it requires us to tell or ask people what we need from them - this can be quite daunting especially if you're not used to asserting yourself and putting your needs first. In my case, I will explain to said person that what was said upset me and the reasons for why (scary because I actually don't want to upset them but my needs are important here too). I will also suggest that if they cannot give me the support I need then our working relationship is unviable (also scary because saying no can feel harsh and weighty but again is SO important in having my needs met). Lesson #3 - my needs are important too and the only way to have them met is to say what they are and to assert my boundaries.
4. See the lesson in it.
As I was hearing the words telling me that this was the perfect opportunity to practise everything I'd learned, I also came to understand that other people pose the best lessons in life (if not sometimes the hardest) and this is why we do not and cannot live in isolation. No man is an island as John Donne said. We can do all the inner work we want and level up in consciousness and awakening but what good is all of that if we're not going to engage in the world around us? It's great for us but what about the rest of life on Earth? How will we share our skills and knowledge and increase the vibration of everyone and everything if we're not going to engage with it? For me, it's also a clear lesson in practising assertiveness, authenticity and boundary setting.
It's a lesson in looking after ourselves and in having our needs met. Confrontation with someone else is one of the worst feelings in my opinion but can also offer the richest ground for personal exploration and growth. And jeez, have I done a lot of growing in the last few days! At the time, I could feel the anger coursing through my veins and now I am grateful for such an enriching experience!
In a nutshell, other people can really throw us off our game and make us do a complete U-Turn in life but if we can engage with the experience then we might find there's lots to learn and lots of room to grow. (For you AND for them!)
Love & Blessings,
NB In this blog I am talking about general situations that happen in life and whilst they are uncomfortable, they are not unsafe or risky. If you are in a situation where someone else is making you feel unsafe, scared or at risk PLEASE reach out to someone you can trust or an organisation for help. Below are some UK sites that might be helpful: